Immediate CPR For Parents
Parents who have lost a child face an immediate crisis and likely have no idea where to turn or what to do. There are a few things that should be communicated with a bewildered parent to help them get through their horrible first week that I call Immediate CPR for Parent's HeartsMore...
Major Decisions
If you have just lost a child, your heart is spinning, falling and tumbling. You have lost a huge part of your center, your desire and your will. Your decision making is and will be hugely different than it has previously been because you care very little about anything else other than being with your child. Therefore, it is important that you recognize that you are not in the frame of mind to make big decisionsMore...
You Are Not Alone
Unfortunately, others have been on this sad, sad road ahead of you, and you are not alone in this terrible experience. Perhaps the experiences of others could help you bear the incalculable burden you now bear.
Early on in my own steps in this canyon of grief, I realized that I was learning things in the process; profound things. To ensure that the things that I was learning stayed with me long enough to be able to build a foundation upon, I started to write them down. Over time I realized that together, the things that were of comfort and solace to me, might similarly be as helpful to others.
Eventually I built my notes into paragraphs and then chapters. What resulted was a book that I call You Won't Cry Forever. More...
Read Now From the Book
Your Goal
-
Just Get Through This One Day M T W T F S S « Yesterday Tomorrow » x x x x x x 7 x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
"I Lost My Child"
THE CANYON
Chapter 1 (from: You Won't Cry Forever)
The unthinkable has happened.
You have stood trembling before a casket, in utter disbelief, and your eyes have beheld the unfathomable: the final glance at that one who was so extremely precious to your heart, lying there so still. You have lost your child.
This devastating and unimaginable reality has blown into your home like the worst-ever winter storm. All of your absolute worst fears have fallen together tragically, as if allowed - seemingly guided - to become a horrible, nightmarish reality.
You went through the motions as friends and family gathered to pay respects for the one whom you nurtured and held so tightly. Now you are in hollow, empty disbelief. You have absolutely no idea how you can live without your precious one.
Your pain is incalculable; beyond measure or description. Sorrow is all you know.
My friend, I am so sorry for your terrible loss. I am so sorry for what you are having to go through now. I know your sorrow. I know your pain. I know your grief and your emptiness. I know the tears and the hole torn right through your heart. I know what it is to collapse on the ground in agony and pain, where there is no solace; and you want to crawl into the very ground itself and never arise. I know the wet stream of pain that flows out of your heart and runs down your face in a never-ending river of sadness; the grief that has no end.
I know what it is to try to comprehend that your child, your precious, precious child is beyond your reach, beyond your grasp, beyond your arms and loving hugs. And you wonder, what is he thinking? What is he experiencing? Where is he? How can he exist without my help and my guidance? How can he get along without me?
I know what it is to not want to go to sleep, lest the end of the day make you one more day removed from the loving presence of your child. I know what it is like to wake in the middle of the night with wails and cries for the one whom you love so dearly with the cold, harsh, stark understanding that he or she is no longer a privileged citizen of this planet.
I know about the empty room and the pile of your child's dirty laundry that still sits there as it did on the last day you were with him. I know the deep, deep, debilitating grief of your soul. I know your shattered dreams. Oh, yes, how well do I know your suffering.
And nobody knows what to say to you. How could they? For no matter what they do say, it seems, it doesn't change your reality, that your child is gone.
My friend, you are on a path. It is a trail in the deepest of canyons and is a terrible road to be on. It is the worst path you could walk. But despite its severity, it is now unavoidable; it is the path you are on, nonetheless. And you cannot change it. You cannot go back. You cannot undo what is done. You cannot turn back the clock. The canyon you are in is real; it is deep and is very, very sad.
But it does not have to be dark. Yes, I said it. It does not have to be a dark path!
Please follow along with me on this trail of sadness and I will share some things that will give you cause to have hope in this seemingly hopeless situation.
I acknowledge your heartbreak, that it is deep and very real. I too am broken hearted. For I, too, am on the same path. I traverse the same trails on the same ground as you do in this canyon of despair. I have lost my only child, my beloved son, David, who walked by my side on this earth for thirteen years.
But along with being filled with sorrow, I am also filled with hope.
Perhaps we can walk together for a mile or two, and you will allow me to share why, if you will, which can help take your eyes off of the terribly deep sea of sorrow.