Immediate CPR For Parents
Parents who have lost a child face an immediate crisis and likely have no idea where to turn or what to do. There are a few things that should be communicated with a bewildered parent to help them get through their horrible first week that I call Immediate CPR for Parent's HeartsMore...
Major Decisions
If you have just lost a child, your heart is spinning, falling and tumbling. You have lost a huge part of your center, your desire and your will. Your decision making is and will be hugely different than it has previously been because you care very little about anything else other than being with your child. Therefore, it is important that you recognize that you are not in the frame of mind to make big decisionsMore...
You Are Not Alone
Unfortunately, others have been on this sad, sad road ahead of you, and you are not alone in this terrible experience. Perhaps the experiences of others could help you bear the incalculable burden you now bear.
Early on in my own steps in this canyon of grief, I realized that I was learning things in the process; profound things. To ensure that the things that I was learning stayed with me long enough to be able to build a foundation upon, I started to write them down. Over time I realized that together, the things that were of comfort and solace to me, might similarly be as helpful to others.
Eventually I built my notes into paragraphs and then chapters. What resulted was a book that I call You Won't Cry Forever. More...
Read Now From the Book
Your Goal
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Just Get Through This One Day M T W T F S S « Yesterday Tomorrow » x x x x x x 7 x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
"I Lost My Child"
CPR FOR PARENTS' HEARTS
Parents who have lost a child face an immediate crisis and likely have no idea where to turn or what to do.
There are a few things that should be communicated with a bewildered parent to help them get through their horrible first week that I call Immediate CPR for Parent's Hearts.
These are outlined below from a note that I sent to a father who had lost his son just two days prior. The items listed apply as well to all parents who have found themselves in this tragic predicament:
So for immediate CPR for you and your immediate needs, let me guide you here:
1. Just do the funeral. That has to be done. Let others do all they can for you because they want to do something and don't know how else to help. Let them. Let God love you through these wonderful people.
2. DON'T take your life. The domino effect will only hurt others as you, yourself are hurting. You can't do that to them, they are hurting too. That is not our (humans) decision to make.
3. Take some Tylenol PM to sleep. Two ought to do it. There is no reason to lie awake and let hollow thoughts consume any more time than they already do. Buy a big bottle of them; you will need it.
4. Begin changing your concept of time. That is, do not think that, "I am now 2 days away from seeing my son," rather start thinking, "I am now 2 days CLOSER to seeing him again." This is critical.
5. If you haven't prayed before, start now. You and I are not alone in this canyon -- we have company; God lost His Son too. He has blazed this trail. He knows it well and knows well what we are going through. Ask God to comfort you. He will.
6. Your goal is now this: to make it through this one, single day. That's it. Just make it until your head hits the pillow, that's as much as is required. And you can do that. No need to look beyond that, for that is big enough to do. And if that gets too tough, then your goal is to just make it through this one, single hour. Break it down like that, for you are (and I was) unable to do any more. [Name removed], these past two years I have been on as intense of a hunt for answers as a father can undertake. And what I can say with confidence is this: IT'S NOT OVER. We are in the most terrible of canyons. It is deep. It is sad. It is extremely painful. But it does not have to be dark.
Because you are not alone, and it is not over.