Immediate CPR For Parents
Parents who have lost a child face an immediate crisis and likely have no idea where to turn or what to do. There are a few things that should be communicated with a bewildered parent to help them get through their horrible first week that I call Immediate CPR for Parent's HeartsMore...
Major Decisions
If you have just lost a child, your heart is spinning, falling and tumbling. You have lost a huge part of your center, your desire and your will. Your decision making is and will be hugely different than it has previously been because you care very little about anything else other than being with your child. Therefore, it is important that you recognize that you are not in the frame of mind to make big decisionsMore...
You Are Not Alone
Unfortunately, others have been on this sad, sad road ahead of you, and you are not alone in this terrible experience. Perhaps the experiences of others could help you bear the incalculable burden you now bear.
Early on in my own steps in this canyon of grief, I realized that I was learning things in the process; profound things. To ensure that the things that I was learning stayed with me long enough to be able to build a foundation upon, I started to write them down. Over time I realized that together, the things that were of comfort and solace to me, might similarly be as helpful to others.
Eventually I built my notes into paragraphs and then chapters. What resulted was a book that I call You Won't Cry Forever. More...
Read Now From the Book
Your Goal
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Just Get Through This One Day M T W T F S S « Yesterday Tomorrow » x x x x x x 7 x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
"I Lost My Child"
YOUR LOSS
There is no question or denying that the volume of your loss is beyond measure.
Indeed, it is not calculable, for it is total.
The sorrow and pain shocks you; your heart is torn wide open this day and then again the next day. You hurt in ways that you never knew was possible.
I'm sure you have discovered that the sorrow comes over you in waves. It hits harder than anything you have fathomed before, and then eventually calms a little. But not too long afterward, another wave of sorrow floods over you and your heart is torn open even wider, if that were possible.
Do not expect to wake up one day soon and feel that every thing is alright; that will not likely happen. The bond that you share with your child is way to deep to be able to just continue on with business-as-usual, without her or him. You will feel the loss every hour of every day, sometimes every moment of every day.
But that is not to say that it does not get easier eventually, because it does; it's just that this scenario is something that shakes us so thoroughly that it is uncharted territory for all of our hearts. None of us can possibly know how deeply and how terribly it thrashes our entire lives, so this is just a heads-up to expect the worst and the hardest and the most painful.
WHAT ISN'T
The hollowing-out of your heart is no small process; neither is it painless. But that is exactly what is happening, your heart is breaking in new ways every moment of every day. You are crying rivers of tears that will not stop.
Every day more and more things happen for you to realize what won't be. You see a shirt or a pair of shoes and your mind fills with wonderful recent memories of when your child wore them; you pass by his school, his friend's house, or the McDonald's that you used to have lunch with him at. There are countless new things that bring forth waves and waves of sorrow as the implications of the situation sinks in deeper, a litle bit at a time. This goes on for years.
In fact, it could go on for the rest of your life - there certainly is love enough in your heart for your child, which is reason enough.
However, it does not have to be this way, and there are some very good reasons why.
Chapter 87 of You Won't Cry Forever deals with this issue and presents some iedas that and strategies, if you will, which can help take your eyes off of the terribly deep sea of sorrow.