Immediate CPR For Parents
Parents who have lost a child face an immediate crisis and likely have no idea where to turn or what to do. There are a few things that should be communicated with a bewildered parent to help them get through their horrible first week that I call Immediate CPR for Parent's HeartsMore...
Major Decisions
If you have just lost a child, your heart is spinning, falling and tumbling. You have lost a huge part of your center, your desire and your will. Your decision making is and will be hugely different than it has previously been because you care very little about anything else other than being with your child. Therefore, it is important that you recognize that you are not in the frame of mind to make big decisionsMore...
You Are Not Alone
Unfortunately, others have been on this sad, sad road ahead of you, and you are not alone in this terrible experience. Perhaps the experiences of others could help you bear the incalculable burden you now bear.
Early on in my own steps in this canyon of grief, I realized that I was learning things in the process; profound things. To ensure that the things that I was learning stayed with me long enough to be able to build a foundation upon, I started to write them down. Over time I realized that together, the things that were of comfort and solace to me, might similarly be as helpful to others.
Eventually I built my notes into paragraphs and then chapters. What resulted was a book that I call You Won't Cry Forever. More...
Read Now From the Book
Your Goal
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Just Get Through This One Day M T W T F S S « Yesterday Tomorrow » x x x x x x 7 x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
"I Lost My Child"
EVEN MORE
Chapter 3 (from: You Won't Cry Forever)
When you think about it, death is really not something new, is it? I mean consider Abraham Lincoln; or US Grant; or our great-grandparents. It wasn't too long ago that they walked on green grass, watched beautiful sunsets and enjoyed peaceful summer evenings. They went through days on this planet much as we do. They all had their time on the stage, but now are unreachable members of the past. Their lives were very real; no less real just because some days have passed since their departure. Some lived and made an impact. Many others just lived unspectacular lives. But they all lived here on earth and now they do not.
Do you suppose any of their deaths caught God off guard? Do you think that God was surprised by any of their deaths? Do you think by now, this many generations into people's moving about this earth, that God understands that people die? Why, of course God knows people die. Nobody's death can surprise Him. Not even my own child's. So He was not at all unprepared for my child's death. It happens. To people. We die.
So why should my child's death be anything unusual, since death is the ultimate fate of all human beings? In that sense, of course, it is not unusual. But the fact that a parent has to stare into the open casket of his precious, beloved child is unusual. We all know and say that it is not supposed to be like that, that parents should not have to bury their child.
Regardless of how unseemly it appears, how tragic, how painful, how horrible, we are grieving witnesses to the reality that children can and do die. Yet this does not surprise God. It does not overwhelm Him as if it were something that does not happen in His universe. Statistics would say more than 150,000 people die every day. God knows it will happen to all of us. He is prepared to deal with people's deaths.
Furthermore, God not only knows that we will die, the Bible says that God knows the number of our days! That means He knows exactly when we each will die. Following this a step or two further, this means that God knew exactly when my son would die! From the beginning of time, He knew that my son would live for thirteen years, three months and one day! Oh, how I wish I had known that, I say. How I wish I would have had some indication as to the number of his days, I think. If only I would have known how events would have played out I would have...
Such is a grieving parent's back-wish. If only I would have known. Yet we do not know. And we cannot know. For what would happen if we knew? We would meddle. You and I both know that we would. We would bargain and rearrange and manipulate and sacrifice and cut deals, we would maneuver to no end to keep our child alive. Perhaps that is why we do not know such things. We can't be trusted with the whole picture. We aren't God.
So my child's death did not take God by surprise; in fact, He knew about it. He knew about it every single day of my child's life. During all those special moments I enjoyed with my son, God knew that after a certain day, there would be no more of them here on earth. In fact, even knowing how painful it would be for those who knew and loved my son, God actually allowed the death to happen.
What kind of a statement is this? That God allowed my son's death to happen?? Well, if God is sovereign, that is, if He ultimately controls the universe, then whatever happens needs to cross God's desk for approval before it is allowed to go on. Eventually He allows death to conquer each and every one of us. This is not something new. My son's death, therefore, crossed God's very desk for approval before it came about. He even allowed the death of His own Son to cross that same desk. This is not to say that God caused my son's, or anyone's deaths; but He does allow it.
Since God has allowed this to happen, is He capable of seeing to my child's well being? And is He willing to give me the grace and strength to be able to endure such a loss? The answer from my own experience is an absolute YES!
For whose child, really, was my son? Just because humans are involved in human procreation does not make the capability of procreation a human invention. Though I am my son's earthly father, the fact that he was created at all means that he was also, and perhaps first, a child of his heavenly Father. God was there and approved of and delighted in every single cell change in my son's developing body. He Himself formed my son in the womb. The miracles that are our children are certainly a gift from One Who knows their value and their worth.
So it is not out of line for me to say that God loves my son even more than I do!! Now that is a concept that can hit home with a grieving parent, because we, of all people, know how much we love our child. In fact the only thing in the world that is greater than our unlimited pain is the love we have for him or her. And to think that God loves our child even more than we do is a quantifiable concept, in that we can know that it is at least what our own hearts feel.
Is that not comforting? To know that my child is in even better hands than my own were, he is in an even more loving and secure environment. His needs are being met. He is comfortable. In fact the absolute joy he is experiencing is indescribable in earthly terms. Remember what Jesus said to the repentant thief on the cross, "Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in paradise" (Luke 23:43). My son is in paradise with Jesus! Now! I can only imagine the joy...
So what was my worst day, the day of his death, turned out to be his best day, the day when he entered paradise with Jesus! What to me seemed to be the end of my son's life was in fact simply a transition for my son. And what a transition it must have been!